Twin Flame Pain is Not Destiny: A Coach's Guide to Healing the Trauma Cycle

Twin flame love is designed to be so painful that you must change.

The separation stage will send you into a depression like you have never experienced before. You might feel physical pain or like you are losing a part of your body to be apart from your twin.

I call it the twin flame VOID.

It is common to have suicidal thoughts or to think you might as well not be alive if you can’t be with that person again.

You begin searching for hours on the internet on how to get the person back. You might see a psychic or tarot reader. We’ve all been there or done that.

I couldn’t stop thinking about my twin so much so I would get stress headaches and have to leave work.

You might fall into your addictions - work, food, spiritual bypassing, etc.

By this point, you have stopped telling your friends what is happening or isn’t happening in your relationship. They don’t understand and have long since told you to move on.

Most people at this point seek therapy. I know therapy played a huge part in my healing journey. However, my therapist at the time had never heard of twin flames, which was probably a good thing.

I have since started offering twin flame coaching because so many people have no one else to talk to about their bizarre love.

It’s important to find out why you can’t be together.

You won’t rest until you have clarity on why.

For me, my clarity came in small chunks - a reading from a psychic, a moment of inspiration after a meditation, etc. Until one day I went to Hay House conference and experienced Brian Weiss demonstrating past life regressions. I got his CDs and did them for on my own for about a month. By then I was able to connect with my twins higher self. I could see all our past lives flash before my eyes and he told me “not this lifetime.” (This became the inspiration for my twin flame hypnosis sessions.)

I still had more grieving to do, but that was enough to finally let me rest. To finally give up on us this lifetime. I could finally see his flaws, and I realized I want someone more emotionally mature and on my growth path.

I realized it wasn’t loving to only see his potential and try to use strategies to get him to come back to me or see me as this unconditionally loving, super human who he also couldn’t live without.

I learned to respect his free will. I learned some people can feel love, but not want it completely.

He changed in the years I knew him, but it was only inches. I changed by leaps and bounds.

My depression lifted. I finally knew he was my twin and we wouldn’t be together.

So I set off on a big travel journey. Reclaimed a lot of the self-esteem I lost by constantly being incredibly hopeful (which is a form of spiritual bypassing) and then being painfully disappointed.

I projected on him that he was also like me - a seeker of love, self growth, quick changes, etc. He valued his connection to his pain and fear, which for some people that is more important in this life time.

By giving me nothing. My twin gave me everything. I am so grateful he never wanted a relationship. The pain was worth finding myself.

How Subconscious Healing Releases Attachment Trauma (How to handle the immense pain)

Acknowledge and validate it - Stop trying to rationalize why you shouldn’t feel so much pain over someone you never met, or barely had a relationship with. That pain and depression deserve your respect. This is sacred pain.

Feel it - mindfully and consciously sit down and actually grieve and express the pain through art, screaming, crying, etc. But be present and hold yourself. Sit up tall and hold a beautiful container for your tears to flow through. If it is too much at once, do it in small chunks. The twin flame journey is a grief journey. Grief must be witnessed - David Kessler

Understand what happened - get clear on what happened and why you met this person. Why did you meet in this lifetime? What happened in past lives? Know you can be spiritually united and connected and completely disconnected in the 3d.

Find home within: It feels like our twin is our home. There is no pain, we feel completely alive, and they see us for who we are. However, when they leave they take all that with them, therefore, they can not be our home. We have to create a home inside of ourselves - one in which we don’t abandon ourselves, we are loving towards are worst parts, and fight to live a life of excitement and love.

Find the inner child and other parts of you that are stuck on them- where are they? how are they doing? are you helping or hurting them by continuing this relationship? You likely have a “mother” or “healer” part that can’t let go of the hope of them coming back.

Support - You can’t go this journey alone. It’s made to break you, and you need healers and helpers and therapist to get you through.

Change your life - What did meeting your twin and feeling incredible joy and love show you about your life? What needs to shift - job, friends, etc?

Know this will suck and take a while. It’s true. This is the hardest thing you will go through in your life. Leaving the thing that brought you so much joy, becomes the path to joy and stability.

Myth: Sadness Hits Right Before Twin Flame Reunion

We always hear it’s darkest before dawn, but this isn’t true for twin flames. You decide when you are going to address the grief and sadness. Sadness is not a sign your twin flame is right around the corner. Your sadness is calling you to go inward to seek out those buried parts of you that are holding on to grief. This might be an inner child, an inner mother or healer.

Many times the grief around your twin flame leaving you or going no contact is triggering grief from your parents not meeting your needs, rejection from high school times or even collective and generational heartbreak.

Basically, lots of sadness does not mean your twin flame is coming to save you.

Why Traditional Methods (Meditation, surrender, No-Contact) Fail

These don’t work because they don’t address the core issue of why you are connected to them in the first place. What parts of you are still attached? What is holding the cord together? No contact with your twin flame just drives you even crazier. It can be a good temporary tool, but in the end, if your inner child doesn’t understand that this isn’t someone who is available for a healthy relationship, they will hold on for decades.

“If you want someone in order to fill a hole or pain, it’s an addiction” - Kyle Cease

Hypnosis

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