It’s an optical illusion. Statistically, it’s a city full of young, single, educated people. You visit Austin and see all the young, hot people out and about. The hopping night life.. Tons of hot guys.
Your friends visit and always come away with a steamy hook up story.
Austin gets voted best place for singles all the time. (Yeah if you want to stay single..)
But move here and you start to find out what is really going on…
You hear the gripes from the bathrooms of West Sixth to the dingy stalls of the East side bars. Dating in Austin sucks.
There are no good men.
No guy actually wants to date or commit in Austin.
This town is full of Peter Pans.
Every girl here you know with a boyfriend/husband has either imported them or vice versa. They always ask, "Have you tried online dating?" They love to do girls night (isn’t every night girl’s night?) and have you show them their favorite bars. They think, “It can’t really be that hard to meet someone here. She’s just not putting herself out there enough.”
You’ve tried social sports leagues only to end up on the couples only team. You’ve online and app dated your heart out. You've put on makeup and make sure you looked “I’m not trying” hot when you walked around the lake. You’ve even pondered getting a dog just to attract men.
Meanwhile your Instagram feed fills with all your friends from college showing off their new rings or baby bump #2. Your parents are wondering why you can’t afford a house in Austin, much less find a suitable marriage partner.
We all know of the girls who moved to Dallas or Chicago and within a year they’ve met a really great guy, yet they spent years in Austin basically single. It must be the city!
So what is the deal?
You’re competing with a mixed crowd.
In hardly any other city, a 40 year old successful man wouldn’t think to go to bars where college girls hang out. But here we have bars and events full of divorced dads, college students, local people from surrounding towns, and thirty something women.
Peter pans live and play here.
You know them as the smart, successful guys, who look fantastic on paper, but they are 35 years plus and going on 15. They’ve traveled the world, volunteer on the weekends, and love to show off pictures of their nephews on their phone. However, they are quick to morph into friends with benefits or casual week day dating. “Let’s get drinks” even on the third date. These are kings of the reFakenship.
It’s true they are moving here in droves. For the first time these big city dorks with startups can afford to buy all the girls vodka sodas and shots. They are feeling good getting bottle service and becoming friends with the bartenders everywhere they go. They’ll be on the boats on the weekends with their new best friends from the club.
Austin is a feminine place.
It’s hard for a powerful woman to stand out. I’m not talking about feminine vs masculine as in dresses vs muscles. Feminine cities are more laid back, heavy in the arts, and nature. Think Honolulu vs New York City. There’s a theory that men can get feminine energy from the city and can even become more feminine (musicians, artist, outdoor junkies) when they move to feminine places. So you guessed it, women in these places have to really bring out the feminine energy to compete. Your go get em attitude and result oriented ways at work don't translate well to the dating scene here.
There is no reason to have a significant other in Austin.
Men here are never bored or lonely. It’s perfectly acceptable to go to Alamo Draft House with your bro, and men head to bars, shows, and Zilker solo all the time. Compared to other cities – there is no reason to sit home alone– from Tuesday night shows to Saturday morning farmers markets, and Sunday fundays. There are even video games, putt putt, and board games everywhere they go from restaurants, bars, and even the barber shop. There’s also plenty of casual hooking up. Having a girlfriend isn’t going to add much fun to their life.
FOMO (fear of missing out) and the TMBSBOTS (there might be someone better out there syndrome) reigns supreme.
Hell, we can't even stay in one bar for the night. We must keep bar hopping. Notice next time you are out at an event or bar how people are always looking around, even when they are conversing with someone. Maybe that girl over there runs triathlons, teaches stand up paddle yoga, started a nonprofit AND models on the side. You thought you were interesting and unique until you moved here and realized you are average.
You give your number out a lot…
But... Only the douche bags in the douche bag bars will ask you for your number. Then you get a call from them at 3AM the next weekend. Or no call at all. You see nice looking gentlemen in Whole Foods or at the coffee shop all the time, but why aren’t they asking for your number?
It’s a really small town.
You will have to make a quick exit after you see that guy at HEB you made out with three sheets to the wind last weekend. That guy you never text back will be sitting right next to you at Blues on the Green. You cringe when you accidentally click on your coworker’s online dating profile. You better check with your friends before you start dating someone in case you accidentally break girl-code.
Ugh… So what is a girl to do?
Check out these other blog articles for help:
According to some dating and relationship gurus, using your city as an excuse is just that… an excuse. Apparently there is the Seattle Freeze, and there are too many people in NYC. LA has too many good looking people, and middle America says there are no guys.
Find out what other excuses you have for your sucky dating life. Do you think all men are assholes, liars or only after one thing? Maybe it’s time to get rid of your limiting beliefs.
Are you tired of casually dating and ready to date a man serious about marrying and having a family one day? Are you worried you won’t ever get married?
Do you have a list of your ideal partner? Do you have list for yourself? Meaning are you being all the things your ideal is looking for? Create your lists. Work on yourself.
Are you being yourself? Do you have a passion or purpose? The more you can be your authentic self, the more appropriate guys you will attract.
Do you know that you attract people with the same level of self-esteem as yours? Try some therapy, especially therapy based around love and relationships.
Hope this helps! Ladies and gents, I believe we can survive and thrive here in Never Never Land without compromising our life goals and standards.
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Matthew Hussey http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/blog/location-excuses/
Do you have any dating success in Austin? Have other thoughts on why dating sucks here? Or maybe you love dating in Austin?
I love comments.