Am I asking for too much from men?
We want a lot from men.
- We want it so the relationship comes easy. We don’t want to have to put ourselves out there first. We don’t want there to be something wrong with us. We would rather point to the guy, his decisions, his words, his actions as the problem. We like to be in control or we like them to make all the decisions for us.
- We want them to be manly men yet listen to our latest girl drama.
- We want them to stop seeing other people when we are ready to stop seeing other people. We don’t want them to text other girls if we are texting with them.
- We want them to pipe up and tell us how they feel about us and where the relationship is headed.
- We want them to say I love you first and guarantee they won’t love anyone else.
- We want love and romance forever.
- We want them to stop watching TV and pay attention to us. We don’t want them to desire another woman, or get too wild with the boys.
- We want them to have successful careers but not to ever miss a family event or work late at night.
- We want an engagement ring when we want it. We want him to be on our schedule.
- We want him to like all of our friends and family.
- We want him to text us back right away.
You get the picture..
If we don’t get what we want, we get upset, hurt, hate all men, or run and hide from love all together. It's pretty easy to act like a toddler and through a tantrum when we don't get our way. We all do it.
It’s much harder to interact with guys in a way that you have think about what you have to GIVE, not what you can GET from him.
And sometimes we have to give first. eek.. that is the worst.
But what are we, as women, giving?
Directions: We probably give a lot of commands, demands, advice, and strong suggestions. We judge and criticize. We tell them what we want and how we want it done. Then we tell them if it isn’t done right. We correct their driving, dishwashing, and clothing. We constantly fact check. We point out their flaws and short comings.
Negative Assumptions: We assume silence means they don’t care. We interrupt their every action as being done deliberate and purposefully. We assume the worse.
Raging Feelings: We amp up our emotions to drive home our points, because they won’t get it otherwise. We shut down or turn away or we chase and pursue to get our point across. or fight to the finish to prove we are right.
No Way to Win Situations: We don’t give them a chance to come out a winner/hero. We don’t ask for help and do it all ourselves to prove we are capable. We tell all relationship problems to our girlfriends but never to them. We hide behind our controlling ways or blindly follow their lead. We lose our sense of self and give up all our friends “for” them. We don’t tell them how we feel so we don’t look weak. We don’t let them see us at our lowest moments.
What if you scaled back on giving men these things? All men. What if you didn't give this stuff to your dad, your coworker, your brothers?
There is a big difference in flavor between being in a relationship to give not to take. Of course to come from a giving place you have to have an abundance of love, patience, understanding, and non-judgement. This starts with giving these things to yourself first if you don't already have extra to give.
But what if you are just a "giver" or have been told you give too much?
You may be a woman to likes to give too much of herself or too much love, patience, understanding, etc. But what you are really giving your relationships is a broken, empty person.
So don't assume since you are very giving in your life that you are actually giving a gift worth any value to men or anyone.
Follow this link to see what men actually want us to give them.