How can I be more submissive?
How can I be more feminine?
Submissive is one of those words that likely makes all women born after 1950 skin crawl. It brings up thoughts of being stupid, blindly following someone, letting him do whatever he wants, or losing your identity to a man. You think of a woman barefoot and pregnant cooking dinner waiting on a man to come home and tell her what to do. Yuck.
But there is a better way to define being submissive and that will get you more sexual attraction with your man, more romance, more attention, and more gifts.
Even Lady Gaga, a mega power house woman, admits she likes being submissive. "I'm in charge all day long, the last thing I want to do is tell him what to do," she explained. "It's not good for relationships to tell men what to do."
Sexual Polarity- Opposites Attract
This article is written off of the theory of sexual polarity. Sexual polarity, according to some gurus, is what gives you chemistry, spark, and sizzle. There is feminine energy and masculine energy in all of us. However, at our core we are either feminine or masculine with 80% of women being feminine and 80% of men being masculine according to David Deida. It’s great to be masculine all day at work but, when it comes to your relationships, if you want a masculine man to be attracted to you, you must bring out your feminine essence. To read more about what I learned about masculine and feminine go here. (link)
Today, we don’t really need men to kill our dinner or own a home. We want to be equals, seen as just as good as men if not better. We are more educated, just as financially stable if not more in some cases, and have incredible careers, but we still want a manly man to come sweep us off our feet, throw us down on the bed, and be our protector. That desire is your feminine core wanting a masculine man. Just listen to Lady Gaga's Do What U Want.
We can only attract that masculine man if we show him our feminine energy. The deeper you get in your feminine energy, the more you will attract deeply masculine men.
So how then do we be more submissive and feminine in relationships and dating?
How does Lady Gaga remain submissive while making more than her boyfriend and being more famous?
Get in touch with your feelings, not facts.
According to Pat Allen, women’s emotions should be put on a pedestal and men’s intelligence should be put on a pedestal. This means the man gets to make decisions, plans, or statements, then it is up to the woman to express how those decisions make her feel. After hearing her feelings, the man is to consider the situation and her feelings and make a decision from there.
You may be planning a date night and the man suggests you go to dinner and a movie. You would rather go together to a friends party. So you say “I like your idea about dinner and a movie but I really feel like seeing my friends. I love when we go to parties together and it’s been awhile since I’ve seen this group of friends. I really miss them.” Then he can decide if it is better for you to go to the movies or if he doesn’t want you to be sad about not seeing your friends, you guys can go to the party.
Men like the feeling of freedom and like they made the decision. They hate being boxed in or told what to do. You immaculate him when you tell him what you all are doing that weekend or where you are going on vacation. How likely is he to buy you flowers or ravish you in bed when he is feeling less than a man?
Trust and respect him, don’t correct and direct.
They above everything want to be trusted and respected. So imagine a typical scene of you and a date trying to find a restaurant, parking, or how which exit to take. You may clearly know the best way to get to the destination or you told him before to look up the directions and he didn’t. You may clearly have more knowledge about the parking situation, but when you start directing him, telling him where to go, correcting him, get frustrated at him or even just innocently helping him… you lose your feminine energy and your masculine energy starts competing with his. I once told a guy where to turn to get on the main road from a Home Depot parking lot and he practically snapped at me. Lesson learned.
If he makes a few wrong turns, if it takes you 3 extra hours to get somewhere, or if you have to bite your tongue til it bleedsHe will feel m, it’s worth the trust, respect, and confidence you give him by letting him take the lead. He will feel much more masculine even if you are super late, then if you corrected him or helped him without him asking.
A man telling you your feelings are wrong, is the same as a woman telling him he turned the wrong way.
Be his support and cheerleader, not his mom or mentor.
Another typical scene now a days is a man struggling with his career. He might be trying to get through school, can’t decide what career he wants, won’t get a real job, or is unhappy with his current job and won’t get out. Of course, we as women know just as much about careers, job searches, and resumes as any man. At the office it is fine for you mentor men or help them with their careers. If you want attraction to build in your dating life it is best to let a man figure these things out on his own. If he isn’t applying for jobs or asking his boss for a raise and you think he should, giving advice or polishing his resume is not the way to make him feel more masculine. You could say “I know you’ve got this” “The interviewers just didn’t see how amazing you are” “I’m sure you will find the right expert to get your resume together” “I know it’s hard but you always find a solution in tough situations”
This way you aren’t becoming his mommy or mentor, he feels more confident, and you aren’t competing with him. Helping or giving advice is like giving him a gift. He doesn’t want you to shower him with these kinds of gifts. He wants to shower you with gifts.
Understand men aren't like your girl friends
We often give men what we think they want or what we know works in our friendships. You would be considered a total bitch if you didn’t help your friend find a parking spot, or you didn’t speak up if you knew she was going to miss your exit. We keep and maintain our friendships by giving advice, helping them figure things out, offering thoughtful gifts, and going out of our way to do things for them. This is not what a masculine man wants in a relationship. He may let you do these things but they don’t make him feel manly when you do them.
Let him guide and advise you.
When a man offers us advice or tries to help us we often feel spoken down to, or like he is trying to be our father, we want to prove that we know just as much about finance matters, politics, careers, latest news, or work matters. A man was once telling me about a study in a field that I’m very well studied in and he was going on and on about this article like I had never heard of the subject before. Thankfully the room was dark because I was rolling my eyes. I really should have taken it as a gift, he was giving me information he thought I could use or would find interesting. In my head I was thinking of all the additional information I could have told him that he didn’t know. I was seeing it as a competition. That is major masculine energy.
That is why men all sit around and one up each other on work, sports, or women. He doesn’t want to do that with you. It’s not only polite to just sit and listen when a man is telling you something you already know, even if it feels like he is preaching to you or talking down to you at first. You want him to respectfully listen to you when you blab on about your latest friend drama or the dress you are trying to find for your friend’s wedding.
Feminine energy inspires him to be more masculine.
The gifts we can give that make a man feel more masculine are according to Marabel Morgan to
ACCEPT him as he is,
APPRECIATE him, and
This is how to be more submissive. When we put our ego aside and let him feel like a manly man. It costs you nothing, doesn’t involve cooking, cleaning, or DOING much at all. These are like bouquets of flowers, fancy dinners, spontaneous weekend get-aways, and breakfast in bed to a masculine man. In fact listening, accepting, appreciating, and admiring are what inspires him to give you these things.
Why is this so hard?
But as modern women these can be the hardest gifts to give a man. It puts us in a place of being vulnerable. If we admired and listened to a man we might look like we aren’t as smart. Why appreciate him when he supposed to be doing those things anyway? Why accept him the way he is when you know he could be better?
If he has to put your feelings on a pedestal then you will have to start showing him your feelings. If you are to put his intelligence on a pedestal then you’ll have to be okay with him loving you and seeing your worth beyond your smarts.
If you have been together for awhile you might have to do all these things first in order to get the romance from him back. Men often have an empty love tank and you have to fill these first before they can spill over into yours. It’s not fair on the outside but that is how it is done.
If you really care about this man and think he is a great fit for you then all of these gifts should come from a genuine place. You shouldn’t be with someone you don’t trust or respect.
Revealing your feminine side is a challenge and an interesting way to improve yourself. You might enjoy the challenge of trying new diets, workouts, or a new project at work. But letting a man lead and getting in touch with your feelings is probably way more challenging.
To be in a loving relationship you will have to be vulnerable and feel out of control. If you don’t like those feelings you might end up with someone emotionally unavailable, casual-sex relationships, or shallow relationships.
Plus who doesn’t want to keep the chemistry and romance alive? It’s worth taking the risk of being submissive and see how it can change the dynamic of the relationship.
If it doesn’t improve your relationship to understand, accept, admire, listen, and appreciate your man, then you can go back to taking the lead, correcting, judging, blaming, punishing, controlling, advising, mothering, and putting down your man.
How to be more submissive Bonus tips:
If you want him to hit the gym more often, or lay off the greasy foods. You could take control of the situation and nag him a lot or sign him up for a gym membership.
Or you could tell him how much you admire that big muscle in his arm (or any other part of his body you truly admire) and next thing you know he will be out in the garage lifting weights.
When you are dating and you exchange numbers with a guy, if you text him first or come up with the plan for your first date or meet, you are using your masculine energy.
It is best to be more submissive and let him text you first and plan the date. You could say what you like to do or what foods you like, but let him come up with the plan. If he doesn’t then oh well, you didn’t want a feminine man you have to chase anyway.
If you are on a date with a guy and you are both in the same field or both have the same type of job, you could tell him all about your job, your connections, and your rise up the ladder. You could let him know how respected you are and how many you know about the field. He will feel this as competition.
However, the more submissive and feminine way to do it would be to let him boast about his career and admire what he does. (Hint: he is also trying to impress you so don’t take away from his show.) Compliment him on his dedication, passion, and hard work. Of course let him know you have one too and how you are doing. You can even let him know your job makes you feel. If he wants to talk shop, he can do it with his coworkers. He isn’t looking for a business partner or consultant, he wants a feminine woman. I'm sure Lady Gaga doesn't comment on how many more twitter followers to her boyfriend.
Men also want you to be feminine and submissive in bed. This means he gets to initiate sex the majority of the time. If you reach for his pants or act like you are the stronger sexual presence in the relationship then you become the masculine one. While this is fine occasionally, according to Pat Allen, the man should be setting the pace for sex in the relationship (if you want a masculine man).
If you want to initiate sex you can do it by flirting, giving a back rub, or some other way of signaling that you are interested in some fun. Of course your power comes in as to whether you say yes or no to his advances. Men also love blow jobs because you become very submissive when you perform them. Read this article for more on this fascinating topic.
So do you think can be more submissive? How would your man respond?
Anything feel unfair about all of this to you?