How much should you text before you meet up?

Online/app dating rules and etiquette change constantly. 

Often you exchange phone numbers before you meet to finalize logistics of where to meet and maybe some casual texting. 

But it can often get out of hand and become a huge time suck for you. It feels flattering to have someone you never met be interested in entertaining you and asking you about your day. This is only shallow and hallow attention. Best to keep the texting to logistics only and let the in person meet up be your main source of conversation. 

It's so easy to fall for the image and text version of this person. 

You also get your expectations up too high. We girls get very loyal to people we never met because we exchanged some information over text. You don't owe them anything and they don't owe you anything. It's a false sense of closeness. 

What does he get out of all these texts? 

He is getting attention. He feels wanted. He feels funny, witty, and captivating. It's a huge ego stroke. He can lean on you for things he should be getting from his real world friends and dates. It's much easier to have these false and shallow connections with women they have never met before than to invest time and attention to the people in his real world.

He's also playing a numbers game. Well he probably just isn't texting you. If it doesn't work out with you it might with another. You are easily replaceable. 

Do you really want a guy that can't get deep and connect with people in his real life?

What do you get out of these texts?

Same as above. If you keep getting   

Keep the messaging and the texting to a minimum before you meet. 

You will know if it is too much texting before you meet if:

You find yourself checking your phone to see if he has responded. 

If you stop what you are doing to write a response to him. (especially if you are with friends or at work). Don't make him more important than anyone not even your dog. 

You feel he owes you something - whether it's quick replies, a nice date, etc

You feel any emotion of angry, jealousy, anxiety, from texting with the guy. It should always be a light, fun, positive thing. You've made him and the idea of him more important than the reality of the situation. 

If the thought of him "disappearing" or not texting you again makes you angry, sad, anxious, or upset in anyway. 

How to stop the drawn out texting / messaging relationship:

Simply suggest meeting up that week. Say "I'm game to meet up this week." or "I'd love to get together"  

If they can't lay off the text until they can. A few text a week is fine for someone you have never met. 

If they make lots of excuses why they can't meet up but still want to keep texting daily, drop them. Tell them you are too busy for this and that if you can't meet up within the next week you need to move on. Or just stop texting him. You don't owe him anything. You've never met him.

Be confident you don't need to woo them with flirty, fun, witty, text before you meet. Be confident they won't meet someone "better" than you before you get a chance to meet them in person. And definitely no sexting!



I love this article about the trap of texting relationships.


"According to experts, that may be because a lot of guys prefer the texting to dating. Matthew Hussey, a relationship expert and author of Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve explains that, for guys, texting strangers serves a purpose that women, who tend to have a larger social network (both virtually and in person), don't require. "Texting gives men a non-committal form of validation whenever they want to feel connected," Hussey says. While an actual date can make a guy freak out about commitment and question whether he really wants a relationship, texting offers intimacy without the, 'Is this going to be a thing?' uncertainty. "Guys may want fleeting moments of connection rather than the prospect of a real thing."