How to Heal Your Twin Flame While Avoiding Spiritual Codependency

How would you feel if your only chance at happiness and healing came from another human? You had to be around them to heal or learn how to be sober, happy, find the right career, or be a good person/parent.

They had to send you healing energy or you would never find your path in life.

That’s what we do to our twin flames or runners. We decide that we have the power and knowledge and they need us. If they would only listen to us. Go to therapy, that sound healing event, or see our favorite energy healer. They will feel better and we can be together.

We know their path to happiness.

Imagine if you were dating someone who was more spiritually awoke than you and was trying to tell you what was best for you. You could be better. You could be happier. You aren’t living up to your potential. It’s really off putting. You know you have your own guidance. After all they don’t seem to have everything together themselves. Besides maybe you aren’t ready yet.

When we offer healing and help to those who don’t ask for it, we push against the universe, the river of life. It’s more about us.

When we offer help to those who ask, who are open, we are angels on earth.

People “ask” for help by being interested in healing modalities. By looking up things on their own, by asking questions to learn more. By paying for professionals.

People complaining about their lives or sharing their struggles aren’t looking for help. They are looking for validation. You can ask if they are sharing their struggles to get feedback and solutions from you, or if they need a shoulder to cry on. You might be surprised at the answer.

People repeating the same patterns over and over, or hiding from the problems are creatively and divinely protecting something that isn’t ready to be healed.

Heck, we have our own patterns as runners. They help us. Pain helps us point to our work. It has to get painful for us to look closer.

Preventing our twins from their divine pain is not our job.

In the 12 step model, rock bottom is a phrase used when an addict loses everything and is forced to see the root of the problem is their addiction. They then will likely seek help.

The healer/savior/enabler keeps them from hitting rock bottom sooner.

I’m not 100 percent convinced people need to hit rock bottom, or that we can’t be loving guidance and support along the way. We cross the line when we give up a piece of our self to prop them up. When we loose our joy and happiness worrying about them. When our dominate thought is they are wrong. They shouldn’t suffer. etc. When we send more energy and light and love to them than we do ourselves.

Our faith is totally in the other person and not in the divine and their higher self.

It’s hard I know. Impossible probably. But we are called by twin flame love to be complete faith and spirit.

(Never forget you are a 3D human who deserves to be treated with love and respect by a healthy person with a desire to love you and a desire to learn how to do that.)

I believed everything I read online years ago that I had to heal, to heal my twin. So I went nuts with healing.

I read every book in the library about love and attraction, every blog, went to therapy, group therapy, different alternative healing modalities, psychics, etc. I changed.

Our relationship would grow stronger and he would change too. But he wouldn’t change in huge ways. He was still afraid of commitment. Married to his work. Still in surface friendships. I was excelling slowly but surely.

I’ve been in other soul relationships where I was the more woke one. And the other was sorta woke. He was depressed, lost, still living a lot of lies in his day to day life. I kept him afloat with my good energy.

My good, healing energy made me feel useful. Needed. Loved. Connected.

He could continue working his crap job and collecting bad energy all day. And I could transform him when he came home to me. He didn’t have to learn how to protect his energy. He didn’t have to do the brave thing and look for a new job or cut out people that brought him down. I could cheer him up, brighten his day, feed his soul.

I did a cord cutting meditation and I saw I had a cord in him. I knew if I kept giving my bright energy to him, he would stay. If I stopped, he would leave. My thought was who would love me if I wasn’t feeding them my bright energy?

Wow. Aren’t I willing to love him depressed, addicted and broken?

But apparently I’m not lovable unless I’m vibing high, lovely, healing and helping.

I was so afraid to let that cord dissolve. I would be alone.

I’m not afraid to be alone I thought. I can travel alone, go out to eat alone, etc. But to be spiritual alone was terrifying and painful.

Nope. I was dependent on him. Dependent on his low energy to need me. Needing someone isn’t love. It’s codependency.

It’s perfectly normal to enjoy being a helper, serving and healing others. But we don’t need our clients to need us. We don’t need the homeless to need us.

“At the heart of codependency is a disconnection from one’s own center. When we don’t feel centered, we look outwards for our balance, wellbeing, and peace. In this state of imbalance, we are likely to feel fear regarding one’s own creative potential and power.” (Mica Akullian)

Traditional enabling includes doing things for others that they can do for themselves. Such as

  • paying their bills, sending money

  • making excuses for their behavior

  • cleaning up their messes

  • blaming others for their problems (manipulative ex wives, current wives, bosses, needy kids)

Spiritual / Twin Flame enabling includes

  • thinking about them more than yourself and your life

  • reading personal development material thinking about them, not yourself

  • sending them more spiritual healing than you send to yourself

  • trying to grow and heal to change them or for reunion

  • allowing them to treat you worse than you treat them (letting them neglect you, disappear, etc)

  • being out of integrity in your commitments (cheating to be with a twin, spending all day at work communicating or worrying about a twin)

  • letting your health suffer from fear of losing a twin or fixing the relationship

  • isolating yourself because twin flame journeys are confusing / crazy to most people

  • blaming yourself for not being in union or for your twin’s pain

  • needing validation that they feel the same way as you (excessive calls to psychics, etc)

  • being afraid to ask for help, affection, communication, commitment, or support from them

  • using twin flame sex to primarily heal and keep the twin, than for your pleasure

Basically we know we are being codependent when we are trying to control, change or manipulate someone.

When we act out of fear we know we need to shift in ourselves.

  • fear of them being in pain

  • fear of us being alone - physically or spiritually

  • fear of destiny not playing out

  • fear of missing our one and only person

  • fear of loss

  • fear of rejection

  • fear of heart break

We are looking to act out of love. Unconditional love for ourselves first.

Regardless of the condition, we put our self-love first. Twin disrespecting and hurting you? Love yourself first and put up boundaries (which includes breaking up with them, etc).

When you learn this kind of love. You become one with yourself. Your true self. Worthy. Whole.

That is twin love. Unconditional self love. We see them and ourselves with spirit eyes.

Loving them from afar when it is required. Protecting our self and our inner child from their games.

We let them go on their journey. Knowing they will find their way home. On their own schedule. We can’t speed their recovery. We don’t want them to miss anything along the way.

We can sit in their pain, because we can sit in ours. We know we have life times together so there is no rush. There is no hope for earth reunion because whether that happens or not we are twins. It will be really great and exciting to not end up on this earth.

We can love our imperfections, just as we love theirs. We get our worth not from our healing and helping but from our just being.

We can cut cords and end codependency because we know they are whole and capable of flying on their own.

it’s in trusting in their ability to fly that we heal them. It’s by getting out of their way. It’s by coming out from behind our fear based healing mask and being naked and raw. That’s how we heal ourselves and them.

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