There was a time when I thought my twin flame would lead me to a life of love and happiness, after all it felt like heaven every time we were together. However, after many years of being on and off I realized my twin, was also leading me to hell. :)
My self esteem was so damaged from all the back and forth (maybe it was already damaged before?)
I truly believed my intuition was broken. How could my heart know this was the person for me, yet I couldn’t get him to commit.
My mind was exhausted from rationalizing his every move and understanding his hang ups. I completely forgot my needs and wants as I carefully went along with his pace of the relationship. Never wanting to scare him or put too much pressure.
I was so busying reassuring him I was a safe place for him and that all would be okay, that I forgot to realize he wasn’t exactly a safe place for me. I always also busy punishing him, covering up my real feelings with aloofness, and protecting my heart by hurting him.
I was broken. Completely heart broken. I didn’t know where to go from there. Would I ever find love again? Would I just have to settle with anyone so I could have the family I always wanted? Would I need to wait forever for him to grow up?
It was in this brokenness that I finally realized I was going to have to put myself together. He wasn’t coming back. Well at this point I knew he would never go away, but he was never going to fully chose me.
First came the realization I can control my thoughts. I don’t have to think about him all day. Hallelujah!
Then came all the books on forgiveness, dating, love, spirituality.
I realized I was Love and didn’t need love from anyone else.
Yes I felt this amazing connection, but I was feeling it inside me.
I realized I could be happy no matter the circumstances. It was a choice! He could text me or not, and I could be happy.
I learned I could create my own reality (I think fate plays a big part too now).
And it just took him not giving me what I wanted.
If he would’ve been well behaved and given me exactly what I asked for, I would’ve never found myself.
I would’ve never had to peel back all those layers, stand on my own two feet, uncover my soul, and find my gifts.
I would likely still be in a blah job, living in a city I was okay with, and hanging with friends that were just alright.
Now I’m in connection with my heart. I’ve traveled the world, visited a shaman, done past life regressions, reiki, meditation, on and on. Incredible experiences which usually started as a way to heal from the heart break. But in the end it connected me back to myself.
I had to grow up in life and love.
It woke me up. It shook me up.
When you have nothing, you find out you really have everything.
I know it hurts so bad when a twin flame or a soul mate breaks your heart. But know that that is sacred pain.
Your guides are listening. They lead you to that person for a reason. Your awakening.