Stages of a Situationship - From Bliss to Breadcrumbs
We don’t talk enough about the emotional rollercoaster of a situationship. The kind where no labels are ever used, but your heart still shatters when it ends. The kind where you're left asking, Why am I so obsessed with this person? Why can’t I let it go?
It can feel silly to grieve something that “wasn’t real,” but your nervous system doesn’t care how long it lasted or what it was called.
Sometimes these connections hit deeper than long-term relationships, and they often unfold in powerful, transformative stages.
1. The Spark (aka “The Activation”)
It starts with a jolt. The moment you meet them, something shifts. Maybe it’s chemistry, maybe it’s timing, either way, it’s intense.
You feel seen. Curious. Awake in a way that surprises you. Maybe you hadn’t felt much for anyone in a while, and suddenly this person feels electric. You start imagining possibilities, future conversations, what it would be like if they chose you.
This is the stage where dopamine floods your brain. Excitement, hope, and attraction collide. You’re hooked and not always in a conscious way.
2. The Dance (aka “The Push and Pull”)
Now it gets confusing.
You’re texting but not planning. They compliment you, then go silent. They open up one night, then act cold the next. You never quite know where you stand.
You start feeling like you’re walking on eggshells: managing your words, pretending to be unbothered, wondering if they feel the same. You're not sure if you're in or out, loved or just liked.
This stage becomes emotionally addictive. You chase the high of connection and brace yourself for the next moment of distance.
3. The Obsession (aka “The Mental Loop”)
Even if it ends, or fizzles without closure, your mind doesn’t let it go.
You replay every conversation, analyze every message, stalk their social media for signs. You wonder what you did wrong. You hope they'll come back. You create storylines in your head.
What’s really happening here is that your brain has created a habit loop. They became your emotional reward, and now you crave them like a fix. Add to that the uncertainty, and your brain’s reward system lights up even more (hello, intermittent reinforcement).
4. The Breaking Point (aka “Emotional Rock Bottom”)
Eventually, you crash.
You realize you’ve been tolerating crumbs, second-guessing yourself, making excuses for their behavior. And still… it hurts.
This is where grief shows up… real grief. Not just for them, but for the parts of you that were neglected. The inner child who just wanted to be chosen. The version of you who thought love had to be earned.
You start to see that the pain goes deeper than this one person.
5. The Awakening (aka “Rebuilding from Within”)
Slowly, you begin to pull your energy back inward. You realize that this person activated something, but the healing isn’t about them anymore.
You ask yourself new questions:
Why did I attach so quickly? What about them and what about me made it so perfect?
What did this bring up from my past?
Who am I now that I don’t have access to that timeline of love?
This is where the transformation begins. It’s not fast, but it’s real. You stop waiting for a text and start learning how to feel safe without it. You return to yourself.