You can help who you fall in love with ....and 9 other lessons about love, I wish someone would’ve told me in my early 20s.


Dating is a process.  

You won’t marry the first person you date or love, and that is a great thing. You change so much in your twenties that you should be free to explore, find yourself, and make mistakes on your own terms. It’s not a race. You won’t end up alone, I promise. It says nothing about your worth, looks, or lovability if you aren’t getting married when everyone else is. Dating is a process to find yourself and learn about love, not get a ring or have a wedding.

You can help who you fall in love with.

The higher your self-esteem, the more connected you are with your true self, and the more you are in line with your purpose in life, the better the men you will attract. If you don’t like the men who want to date you, work on yourself first. Two incomplete people always feel complete together, but their incompleteness is what kills the relationship.

Men decide who they like and love based on how they feel when they are around you.

Not so much your looks, career, education, popularity, or love of his hobbies. In fact doing sweet things, giving thoughtful gifts, or going out of your way to make his life easier, pushes him away or turns him into a needy, lame boyfriend. Learn how to be comfortable in receiving and letting him help you. Men want to make you happy and to know that you need them. That is what brings him happiness, not your homemade cookies. This explains why we all know that one girl who gets all the guys even though she isn’t the prettiest, smartest, or nicest in the bunch.

When you get rejected, you are being protected from going down the wrong path.

Don’t take it personally when someone doesn’t love you back or hurts your feelings. Don’t let them or your relationship status determine your worth or value. Take the rejection as a sign you are one step closer to finding a better fit. Yes, someone can love you deeply but that doesn’t mean they can make a commitment to you. It’s unfair, but true.

Intense chemistry doesn’t mean you are in love or that you will end up in a relationship.

It’s only a sign you both have the same level of self-esteem, internal woundedness, and emotional availability. Every girl has the one guy that they felt intense passion and other-worldy connection with. There will be sparks and electric buzzes like you’ve never felt before. Rarely do these every turn into a healthy relationships. The highs will be high and the lows will be low. Likely, the man is already attached, emotionally damaged, incompatible with you, figuring out his life, or turns abusive. It’s a sure sign your life is boring or you aren’t taking care of your own emotional needs.

The sex should be great.

It shouldn’t feel like a chore, a bargaining chip, or even optional. Sex can reflect back how compatible you actually are together and the overall health of the relationship.  It could also mean you might need to see someone about your sexual hang ups and past trauma. Now is a great time to be a brave woman and address those.

You will inherit your parent’s relationship issues.

It’s not always about how your dad treated you. What you saw growing up as an example of a relationship is what you unconsciously seek/attract in guys. It was wired into your brain what love looks like, feels like, how it’s earned, what it means, and how it’s shown.  If your mom thinks or acts like all men are liars, can’t be trusted, respected or depended on, it’s likely you’ll see/attract the same pattern. Analyze your parent’s relationship so you can be aware of what you have to look forward to.

Men and relationships are assignments.

They are there to teach you something. You will attract your greatest fears and someone who knows just how to poke all your tender spots. Examine the negative traits in the men you attract and look back at yourself to see what you are also missing in yourself. At the end of a relationship, take only the lessons you’ve learned about yourself - leave all the resentment, pain, man-hating, walls, and baggage behind.

Keep casual sex and hooking up to an occasional thing.

Women can’t have meaningless sex. Random hook ups aren’t about your pleasure and are almost always luke-warm sex. You’ll probably feel hot or powerful for a bit afterwards, but hook ups aren’t a sustainable source for those feelings. Sleeping with lots or hardly any men says nothing about your worth or desirability. Friends with benefits will gradually wear on your self-esteem and this makes you less attractive to other guys who might actually want to be with you. No sexting needed.

Be kind to men, they are people, not projects.

If you can’t respect him, don’t be with him. You don’t have to be his mother, counselor, personal trainer, or career mentor. When you start taking care of or babysitting a man, it’s likely you are neglecting working on yourself. Maybe you are unhappy with your life, job, or friends. It’s easier to hide behind someone or point the figure at another person with more issues than you, than it is to take care of your own crap.

What are your best/hardest love lessons? What do you wish someone would've warned your younger self about?